they wouldn't let me go to rehab, i said please, please, please
Tuesday, Aug. 12, 2008 - 2:10 p.m.

if you're trying to lose weight and don't have a lot of fundage, you should check out these people, who believe in free.

i am trying to keep my whole day from being about food...or orange...or depression-induced lethargy. i need to be getting things done besides calorie-counting and counting down tilll my next meal, but other than writing this & emailing back and forth with my mom about important things (and half those were about calories, too), that is about all i have done. can't really say this counts, although, at least it IS writing, of a sort.

the words for the book just aren't there. they won't come. probably because it's never been harder for me to believe in true love and my leads are supposed to be falling in it and how the hell should i know what should happen? clearly, i am not the person they should be asking to write their story coz, obviously, i know fuck-all about love.

ahh, nothing like a healthy dose of cynicism in the early afternoon...well, for the first time in months i am craving cigarettes in a serious way, so i think i'm entitled to a little cynicism, since i am not allowing myself the nicotine that my body has decided it wants again.

my addicted voice just keeps on saying "you know, if you took up smoking again, you'd lose the weight LIKE THAT! AND, you'd be in a better mood! you could start again without becoming a SMOKER again, come on, just one a week and you'd be right as rain again, whaddya say? you know you wanna!"

stupid talking cigarettes...